No Matter How Small--YOU Change the World

If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.

 If they were all one member, where would the body be? 1 Cor. 12: 17-19

Lin is as glorious as the Smokies at Cades Cover

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

On Saturday, a good friend and an AMAZING author Lin Stepp had a book launch for her newest novel . Being a stellar author myself, I wanted to support her. After all, I've sold my books at book fairs, signings, and festivals. I KNOW the struggle.

To my amazement, the place was packed. She sold more books in one day than I sell in a year (and have I told you I'm amazing? Check out The Poison We Drink rather than taking my word for it.

The old Carol, the one before God began working on my perfectionism and my need to work our my salvation (I know the Scriptures that tell me to work), would have been bummed that she had done so much better than I.

Unable to even find a minute to chat with Lin, hubby and I went off to explore Cades Cove--a world I love, and Neil doesn't get to see.

I am not much more than a teeny dogwood.

The next day at church, another friend Ann--one I'm friendly with, but our paths cross only at First Baptist, went out of her way to approach me.

She told me how much my posts on the Smokies blessed her. They brought back memories of the wonderful times when she and her late husband explored the mountains. She didn't refer to the blog I spend hours on or my books available in the church library--just my humble pictures of hikes with friends.

Once more God showed me not all of us are the eye of the body. In the natural, it's one of the body parts we find most beautiful. Neither are all of us the hair or fingernails--and believe me, my hair and fingernails need work. Still each of us, like the phacelia (see last week's post) or the humble, Southern dogwood, add a beauty and a function to the body  no one else can give. This world would not work the way it should without us.

You change the world.

1. Only you can fulfill your purpose. What is your talent? Lin is a gifted marketer (and that doesn't detract from her writing skills). Others are accountants and others handymen. All are needed.
2. God called YOU according to His purposes. Some of us are showy, giant hibiscus. Some are lowly phacelia. Some of us are bees, chased away when the blooms are cut. All of us have a reason to be here.
3. You are a light on the hill reflecting God's glory. Only you can reach the people God brings into your life. Most of the time we're not aware of the effect we have. This is good. God gets the glory.

Quick Tweet 

(please click and tweet if you have a twitter account)

You change the world just as you are. (click to tweet)

God called YOU, and YOU are needed. (click to tweet)

Conquer Perfectionism: Move Forward

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man 1 Cor. 10:13a

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Only one test with God--do our best and trust in Him.

In New York State education, we test our students at the end of the year with the regents. All students take the same test.

One common question for our English regents asked students to write the body of a letter. Throughout the year we told our kids the question only wanted the essence of the letter--not the addresses, the direct address the signature.

Every year while taking the test, the students would not remember.

One year during the exam, a girl raised her hand and asked me, "What am I supposed to write? What's the address?" In frustration, I told her to just write the body of the letter. Introduction. Body. Close. Then I slapped my hand over my  mouth. TMI.

Of course, our department head saw my boo-boo and turned me in for offering aid during the exam. The end result was that I was written up.

I made an honest mistake. However, because of my perfectionism, this error haunted me for years. I cried over having a letter in my file. I strove to be a better teacher. 

Worse of all, I harbored bitterness toward our department head. She had plenty of her own shortcomings, but the only real issue between God and me was my reaction to her.

What do you do when you sin?

You repent.

The case is closed.

However if you're a perfectionist, you obsess. You lose sleep. You try harder.

Only one thing is necessary--confess your wrong. Move forward. In an honest walk with Christ, you will fall into temptation. You will make mistakes.

YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN.

You must move forward.

Quick Tweets

Perfectionism is a hard taskmaster. It never lets you go. (click to tweet)

Conquer perfectionism. Move forward. (click to tweet)

God's Love--True Love: 7 Attributes

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. I John 4:16

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

My husband loved me before I loved him.

God's love is greater than man's.

Don't get me wrong, from our first date, I knew Neil was a man I could marry. We shared core (and not so core) values.

1. We loved God.
2. We loved art.
3. We were low-keyed and enjoyed home and nature and quiet things.
4. He was a good-looking man with beautiful straight teeth and this head of silver hair that begged for fingers to run through it.

Guess which of the above weren't enduring values?

He wanted to spend time with me. Flowers regularly showed up at my house. Gifts were purchased as he wooed me.

When he proposed, I was shocked. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend my life with him. I needed a little more time, a little more faith, a little more courage to make that leap. 

If a human can love like Neil when someone's love wavers, then God's love is MUCH greater.

God loved us before we loved Him.

Seven Characteristics of God's Love

1. Has no limits. There's nothing we can do or have done that will limit God's love. (Rom. 8:31-39)
2. Has no expectations. (Rom. 5:8)
3. Is not dependent on us.  (Jer. 1:5)
4. Has our ultimate good in mind. It's life changing. (Rom. 8:38)
5. Can't be earned. (Eph. 2:8-9)
6. It's sacrificial. (Phil. 2-7)
7. It's eternal. Nothing's ever going to separate us from his love. (Ps. 1360

Neil expected nothing from me. He loved me as I was. I never earned his love. For more than a dozen years, he's loved me through my foibles and strengths.

If a man can love so well but imperfectly, how much greater is God's perfect love? Quit trying to be perfect. Perfection will come on its own--through natural responses to God's love.

Quick Tweets

Seven characteristics of God's love. (Click to tweet)

Perfection will come on its own--through natural responses to God's love. (Click to tweet)

7 Reasons To Not Compare Ourselves

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" Gal. 1:10.

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

My latest glass:
My best--but can't compare to
God's glory

My sister Marianne recently resumed her stained glass construction. This doesn't bode well for my ego because everything she does is exquisite. You can guarantee her solder seams will be as straight as a computer generated line. Her cuttings and piecing, her foiling and patinas will rival Tiffany's. Color selection and design will create a work of art.

And there'll be no stupid white flux lines like the ones plaguing my finished pieces.

And that has thrown me into the comparison game once more. My work does not match hers--and only non-stop practice on my part and quitting stained glass on her end will every bring my talent up to her level.

This whirligig of comparisons destroys my joy and knocks me off the path God has chosen for me to walk. No good thing can come from it. It's stupid--see 2 Cor. 10:12).

Do you do this?

Comparisons destroy our joy. They cause us to forget that God loves us just as we are. It's not our works that bring us salvation or divine love or a coveted spot in heaven.

Instead, we must remember, God has given us enough to be pleasing to Him. Isn't that ample?

Reasons we shouldn't compare ourselves with others:

1. Egotists do this. Do you want to be in the same category as a narcissist? (Phil. 2:3)
2. Whose approval are you seeking--God's or man's? (Gal. 1:10)
3. Is your calling the same as everyone else's? (Rom. 12:2)
4. Our talents are given by God. Do we rebuke Him because we're not on the same level as Mozart or Einstein? (1 Cor. 4:7)
5. Our jealousy causes divisions. (Jude 1:19)
6. What are our motives? Do we wish to lord it over others as the greatest? Jesus didn't, and He is God. (Luke 22: 24-27)
7. Our arrogance will treat others with contempt. (Luke 18: 9-14)

I have to remember--I may never rival Marianne. She'll never equal Tiffany. He can't compete with the Creator of the universe.

Quick Tweets

God has given us enough to be pleasing to Him. (click to tweet)

The whirligig of comparisons destroys joy. (click to tweet)

Ending Perfectionism Step 4: Life Is an Experiment, Not a Test

Cast your bread upon the water. Eccl. 11:1

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Life for me is about commitment. If I volunteer to do something or I decide to try a new endeavor, something inside of me compels me to keep with it--even if the act makes me miserable.

My first church underscored this trait. It taught God wanted a committed people. Of course, I took it to the extreme.

Believing life's a test and not an experiment leads to two issues if  you struggle with perfectionism/legalism.

1. You commit to nothing because doubts about being able to do a good job of it paralyze you.
2. You find yourself laboring in areas that God does not want you to work in, and hating it.

For example, I love babies. I volunteered to work nursery because I longed to play with the children. The kids' director asked if I would work in the kids' worship. Being unable to say no, I agreed, but this wasn't God's path for me. While I loved the children, I began to dread the Sunday's I worked.

I had several choices:

1. spend my limited time doing something I wasn't called to do
2. learn to hate the second Sunday of the month
3. believe I was a failure because I couldn't keep my commitment
4. decide this wasn't my path, choose another and love my service to Christ.

I chose #4

Life's not a test. Experiences aren't a done deal. 

1. Try different things.
2. Be willing to change paths.
3. Sacrifice when God is telling you to.
4. Love the life God has given.

Are you struggling on a path you don't like? Is it of God? If not, how can you change your direction?

Quick Tweets

Life is an experiment, not a test. (click to tweet)

Don't be afraid to commit. Life's not written in indelible ink. (click to tweet)

Step 3: Overcoming Perfectionism--Ask For Help

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart" Eccl. 4:9-12.

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Woe to woman when she is alone.

When I was a little girl in school, I'd never raise my and ask a question. Fear of looking stupid made me puzzle out facts until I understood. As a result, I struggled in areas, especially math, that could've been much easier had pride not gotten in the way.

My husband is this way as well since he is the quintessential perfectionist. If I suggest getting help with a project, he assures me he's fine and can do it on his own. Unless it's on YouTube, he'll puzzle it out--or not finish the chore.

As an adult, this bad habit still lingers in my life. Times, as a single mother, I'd be laid up with the flu or rib-breaking bronchitis (not an exaggeration), and I'd ask no one to help with a meal or to take me to the doctor.

As a result, bitterness set in. I belonged to a church that preached community, but no one reached out to me. They should've known, I'd moan. Other people who acted helpless on a regular basis were helped, but me? I'd lay on my couch, unable to move and still have to tend my daughter.

I was wrong--not mistaken, not self-sufficient. I was proud, and it was sin. Who was supposed to guess I wanted help? Last I asked God, none of us are mind readers.

Perfectionists don't like to ask for help. It shows they're human and flawed. Shows they can't do it alone.

Worse, it tells God we need no one but ourselves.

The Lord designed us to need others. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12, a scripture I'd used to club those who didn't intuit my needs, convicts me. I cannot live my life alone. And neither can you.

Ask for help. You were not created to do it alone. 

Three steps in overcoming perfectionism 

1. Strive for excellence--not perfection. Work all you do as unto the Lord. Do a good job, enjoy your labor. It doesn't have to be perfect. That's God's domain.
2. Let it go. You can't do it all, nor are you designed to do so. Labor at what you love. Serve where you are able, but you're not required to do everything. Then let the rest go.
3. Ask for help. Man was not meant to live alone. Adam struggled without Eve. God knew this--thus he made a helper for him. This isn't a license to nag the world to be your slave--but people love to feel needed and are more than happy to help their friends and neighbors.

As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell attest, these steps are hard, but you can do them.

Quick Tweets

Three steps in overcoming perfectionism. (click to tweet)

Ask for help. You were not created to do it alone. (click to tweet)

13 Scary Things About Perfectionism

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin. Daniel 5: 26

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Trick or Treat? Perfectionism is no treat and will always trick you into missing grace.

No matter what you struggle with--service, household issues, art, work, family or church--striving for perfectionism will only make your life miserable. Here are thirteen scary things about perfectionism.

1. You can't do it all. Believe me, I've tried.
2. Someone is always better to you, and that person isn't even God.
3. You'll feel awkward in social settings because everyone is better, happier or more adjusted than you.
4. Someone's always going to judge you both for what you're working so diligently on--or for what you, by necessity, left undone.
5. Everything else will fall apart as you obsess over the one thing you're trying to perfect.
6. Someone's going to say, "That's perfect, but what about...?"
7. Once you do it perfectly, pride will step in. The Pharisees were the ultimate perfectionists.
8. Emotionally you will exhaust yourself.
9. Physically, it will make you sick--raise your blood pressure, make you overeat.
10. You'll fail to see all that you do well because you're so focused on your failures.
11. Because you know you'll fail, you'll procrastinate.
12. You'll avoid trying new things.
13. You'll lose the joy of living.

Quick Tweets

13 scary things about perfectionism. (Click to tweet)

13 ways perfectionism destroys our joy. (Click to tweet)

Overcoming Perfectionism: You Can't Do It All

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters..." Col. 3:23

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Our church has formed a woman's group we call Tea At Two. Our social was formed, in part, to create friendships among its members. In our socialization, we use our gifts to minister to our community.  It meets twice a month.  This week we're putting together goody bags for the police officers.

Tea At Two

I'm not going. 

And in my perfectionist state, I feel a little guilty. However, by attending, I'm spreading myself too thin (if only that resulted in weight loss!) I know my calling and am learning my limitations.

In some churches, my attitude would be condemned. (And in the past, it had been). The project is worthy. It's church sanctioned. Most of my friends--and certainly, those who form the leadership foundation--will attend.

Nevertheless, I'm not going.

We're each given twenty-four hour days and a limited number of gifts  Mine are in mentoring, writing and glass work. My calendar is full. To attend, even though it's a good fellowship and people want me there, would weaken what God has called me to do.

The above Scripture says "Whatever you do." It doesn't say, do it all.

Click to Tweet

In your life, remember, you can't do it all. God does not require that. (click to tweet)

Know your calling. Work at it. Enjoy it. You're not asked to do it all. (click to tweet)

Phony Uniformity: Modernity's Perfection

"If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?" 1 cor. 12:17

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Do you ever wonder if you've lost your skill at observation?

Every time I watch a new TV series with actors unknown to me, I wonder if I'm entering the world of dementia.

An actress breezes onstage who looks familiar. She's an anorexic blonde with silicone breasts and buttocks, because if they weren't enhanced, her thin frame would reveal no shape. Her lips are collagen filled, her nose refined, cheeks heightened and her blonde hair probably has extensions.

Enter actress number two. If she has blonde hair, I'm not sure whether it's a new actress or the same one. Until I get to know the nuances, she's the same protagonist.

It's sad.

Maybe my eyes need laser surgery or my mind needs aricept.

More than likely, society needs to understand reality and paint a world populated with un-doctored humans.

The world holds a standard of perfection perfection we cannot meet. (They've totally wrecked moral perfection--but that's another blog post). We look at ourselves and know we missed the mark.

It's not so with God. He created us--big noses, thin hair, slow metabolisms--and He calls us beautiful. He created us in His image (Gen. 1:27). Although our appearance wastes away, he renews our inner beauty daily (2 Cor. 4:6).

Think of those you love. Do you see them as ugly? As fat? As big-footed? Too short?

No. We see the inner woman, and she glows with the beauty of character, not silicone.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Rejoice in that. (click to tweet)

Quick Tweet

Phony uniformity: modernity's perfection. (Click to tweet)

Perfectionism: The Original Sin?

For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect.He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places. Ps. 18: 31-33

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

If others love us unconditionally?

How could this man not love me unconditionally?

I know you will find this unbelievable, but sometimes I drive my husband, Neil, nuts. Hard to absorb, huh?

Every night, I curl into his arms and purr into his chest. Why do you love me?

With exasperation, he sighs. How can he articulate what he feels in the deepest core of his being?

Neil has no reason, no explanation. He loves me because he does. I don't have to do anything or be anything other than myself.

Still, I insist on driving both of us crazy rather than dwelling in the unfathomable, unconditional love of my husband.

And so it must be with God when we refuse to accept the pure and complete pardon He's given when we try to atone for past sins and current mishaps.

Then what about God?

In Psalm 18, verse 32, the psalmist clearly tells us GOD makes our way perfect. Not us, not religion, not other people. Only our God and Savior.

The serpent deceived Eve when she ate of the forbidden fruit. He told her she'd be like God (Gen. 3:5).

I posit that when we try to make ourselves perfect to earn God's love and His forgiveness and acceptance, we are making ourselves like God.

Not good.

Relax.

Bask in His love, and if you abide in him as the fruit abides in the vine, He will make you holy.

Quick Tweets

Perfectionism is the original sin. (click to tweet)
Do nothing and be loved. (click to tweet)

Imperfections Don't Matter: Lessons from a Bad Solderer

My daughter claimed this was my best piece ever.

He has made everything beautiful in His time. Eccl. 3:11

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

With fear, I showed my teacher the stained-glass piece I needed help with. At a distance, it was gorgeous, but my soldering--the reason I took this class--needed work.

She raved about its beauty. Of course I grimaced and noted the unprofessional lead work.

"No one notices that," she said. "People only see the colors and the texture."

Right.

No one's ever accused me of being positive and non-sarcastic.

A fellow student, though, worked on a fabulous window piece. It would fill in a large half-circle window in her guest room. To say it was intricate, complex, and exquisite would be an understatement. Each week we applauded her work.

As the class neared the end, this woman experimented with a paste flux (used to make solder adhere). We gathered around since we all used liquid flux. Because of the attention we had to pay to her detail work, I noticed, for the first time, that her solder lines were no better than mine!

My teacher was right. No one notices the flaws. They notice us.

Lessons from Soldering

1. We all have sinned. All have erred. Yet we have to remember, God has forgiven. Nothing has to be done to earn our forgiveness except to accept it.
2. God doesn't see our flaws. He displays the colors of our lives. The texture of our character. We mus emphasize those and forget the flaws.
3. With consistent practice (Bible study, prayer and good company), our flaws will lessen and the colors of our lives will only improve.

Quick Tweets

Nothing has to be done to earn our forgiveness except to accept it. (click to tweet)

Don't sweat the imperfections. Lessons from soldering. (click to tweet)

The colors and textures of your life are all that matter. (click to tweet)

Stained Glass and Being Perfect

By one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Heb. 10:14

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Stained Glass and Imperfection

I confess. I'm an addict.

The lighting is off,
but my latest stained glass

A couple of years ago, I discovered stained glass making. Now it's my obsession.

I love the colors, texture and transparency of glass. Years dabbling in all art forms have given me a good skill on composition and color. 

Soldering on the other hand?

Let's just say it's far less than perfect. And it's funny, people don't seem to notice. I sold a piece at a craft fair that displayed my strength--color and light. That's what the buyer noticed. We held it up to the sun, and she oohed over the play of light. Not only that, the customer praised my skill.

My skill?

You'd be proud of me. I did not point out the uneven soldering, bumps, or foiling faux-pas.

However, stained-glass perfection wasn't coming on my own, so I signed up for a class with an expert. She gave me little tips. They improved the things I did well, and the soldering. It looked good.

It's not going to win an art show. Yet. However the improvement was tremendous. My gift with glass is being made perfect as long as I continue to practice and learn from those better than I.

And that's the same with God's holiness.

How To Become Holy

We haven't arrived at holiness on our own. 

1. It's already done for us by Jesus's sacrifice on the cross. 
2. And our character in the world? That's being made holy (Heb. 10:14). With tips from the Master, giant strides can be made, and we will be better people today than we were yesterday.
3. What does God consider holy? The only way to know is to read his word, spend time in prayer, fellowship with strong Christians and rest.

None of the above is any different than learning any other skill.

I will never be a Louis Comfort Tiffany. Never will I be Jesus Christ, either. That's okay. In Christ, I'm becoming more like him and in the day that I meet Him, I will be like Him. (1 John 3:2).

Quick Tweets

What is stained-glass holiness? (click to tweet)

We are being made perfect. It's a process, not a product. (click to tweet)

7 Attributes of God's Love

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. I John 4:16

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

My husband loved me before I loved him.

God's love is greater than man's.

Don't get me wrong, from our first date, I knew Neil was a man I could marry. We shared core (and not so core) values.

1. We loved God.
2. We loved art.
3. We were low-keyed and enjoyed home and nature and quiet things.
4. He was a good-looking man with beautiful straight teeth and this head of silver hair that begged for fingers to run through it.

Guess which of the above weren't core values?

He wanted to spend time with me. Flowers regularly showed up at my house. Gifts were purchased as he wooed me.

When he proposed, I was shocked. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend my life with him. I needed a little more time, a little more faith, a little more courage to make that leap. 

If a human can love like Neil when someone's love wavers, then God's love is MUCH greater.

God loved us before we loved Him.

Seven Characteristics of God's Love

1. Has no limits. There's nothing we can do or have done that will limit God's love.
2. Has no expectations.
3. Is not dependent on us.
4. Has our ultimate good in mind. It's life changing.
5. Can't be earned.
6. It's sacrificial
7. It's eternal. Nothing's ever going to separate us from his love.

Neil expected nothing from me. He loved me as I was. I never earned his love. And in two weeks we will have been married for twelve years.

If a man can love so well but imperfectly, how much greater is God's perfect love? Quit trying to be perfect. Perfection will come on its own--through natural responses to God's love.

Quick Tweets

Seven characteristics of God's love. (Click to tweet)

Perfection will come on its own--through natural responses to God's love. (Click to tweet)

God Is Love: What Does That Mean For Us?

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.1 John 4:16


By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Two years ago my daughter discovered what she thought was menopause wasn't. A pregnancy test delivered the news that baby number three would arrive in August.

Sarah didn't need another baby. She had two phenomenal kids (even if I say so myself). Caroline (don't you like her name?) was twelve and David nine. Sarah's job was secure and daycare expenses finally ended. Time had come to retire the 2000 Honda and maybe get a minivan.

Luciana changed their plans.

It didn't matter a mite.

From the instant we knew L was on her way, we loved her. Seeing Luciana as she breathed her first, confirmed and solidified that love. Unconditional.

A (grand) parent's love is the closest we can approximate God's. He didn't need us. Jesus had the Father's entire love before any of us came around. The Apostle John  says in John 17:23, "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." (emphasis mine).

God the Father and His Son needed no one. Their world was complete. Yet the Triune God has loved us with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3). 

Before we did anything good, even while we sinned, He loves us. It doesn't change. Ever.

This does approximate L's mess.
Sarah still loves her.
Jesus loves you--mess and all.

At eighteen months, little Luciana discovered markers. The other day she covered a paper with blue in. She covered her blankets, bed, wall, legs, arms and mouth with it too. Her mamma didn't stop loving her--as a matter of fact, Sarah took photos and posted them for the world to see.

We serve a proud Father who loves us just the way we are. Just as Sarah bathed her daughter and washed her bedding, Jesus will clean us up and then brag about us.

Quick Tweets

God is love. What does that mean for us? click to tweet

God, babies and markers--what do they have in common? click to tweet

God Is Your Friend: 5 Qualities of Good Friends

13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:13-14

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

I've recently moved to a new state--one foreign in all ways to New York where I've lived my entire life.

One of the first things on our agenda was to find friends. And we did find them--plenty of friends to augment the wonderful people we know in Malone.

And what were the qualities that made a friend? How do they compare with God's friendship with us?

Not only His sheep, but His Friends.

Qualities of Friends:

1. They find you. Of course this is reciprocated. During one of our first forays into forming friendships at a fellowship meals at church, Wilma introduced herself. She took us under her care like Mother Ginger in The Nutcracker Suite. Because of her, we settled into First Baptist.
1. So, too, God finds us. If He draws us to Him because He loves us, He's not going to ditch us if we do something wrong.
2. They enjoy your company. Shann and Ann invite us out all the time. We explore restaurants and concerts in the park. We share stories and conversation and life histories simply because we enjoy each other's company.
1. So, too, God enjoys our company. He spoke to Moses, "as a man speaks with his friend" (Ex 33:11).
2. God is no respecter of persons, Acts 10:34. If Moses and Abraham and the disciples were deemed friends, then we are, too.
3. A friend speaks the truth to you in grace.  A good friend tells you when you have lettuce in your teeth or your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose--without mockery or disdain. She, too, will tell you when you've done wrong or hurt her.
1. God loves us too much to keep us on a life path leading to destruction. Therefore, when corrected, it doesn't mean we've failed. He's simply "getting the lettuce out of our teeth."
4. Friends are trustworthy. My friends do what they say they are going to do. If we're going to meet at a restaurant, my friends show up. If told I will be invited to a party, the invitation comes. I leave my purse with them when I head to the ladies' room.
1. "In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them. To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed" (Ps. 22:4-5). Like a good human friend, if something doesn't work out the way we planned, there is a reason.
5. Friends are supportive. When my Tennessee friends discovered I was an author, they bought (and read) my books--just as long-time Malone friends had. As new friends here face sickness, we go to the hospital, cook meals or attend funerals. In the good and in the bad, friends support us.
1. God is the ultimate cheerleader of our lives. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" Rom. 8: 35-8

A friend loves at all times. Prov. 17:17

And of course, in the interest of time I let off many qualities--some probably most dear to you.

If God is our friend, then we don't have to be perfect. We love lose closest to us--friends, husbands, children--even though we are well aware of their imperfections.

Quick Tweets

5 Qualities of a good friend (and the God-correlation) Click to Tweet.

Why God loves us just as we are. Click to Tweet

How To Be God's Friend

13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:13-14

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

Sometimes I think I should have been a lawyer, I can find the loophole in anything. As a recovering perfectionist, the last part of John 15:14 drove me into a frenzy of self-flagellation and overwork. The only way to be God's friend was to do his commandments. So I did, and did better, and did more, until even the Pharisees were ashamed of their sloth.

But truly, what are His commandments? According to Jesus, God has essentially two:

...“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22: 35-40).

And if that's all it takes to be a friend of God--life is a breeze.

Fans of my blog are generally Christian, and love God with all their hearts. It's one the reasons we recovering perfectionist work so hard--we want to please God. Unfortunately, we look at the word "do" in John 15:14, and we translate that work.

It isn't. It's a natural outcome of love.

You don't have to be a
Martha doing it all.

My marriage is a good and happy one. I cook, although it's not my favorite chore, because I love Neil and want him to be healthy. Seeing as he power washes anything that sits still long enough to be cleaned, it's the least I can do.

I don't squish spiders or remove snakes from my bathroom. Those fall into man realm.

I do clean up cat hairballs, because those gross upchucks defy all of Neil's sensibilities. However, he makes the bed and puts away his laundry, and he allows me to spend hours writing or working in my glass studio.

We are friends and love each other as ourselves. We work according to our gifts and don't expect anything more.

If we keep in mind that all we're required to do is to love God and others, then we've kept God's command. He loves us regardless. And we are his friend.

Be like Mary, not Martha. God will still be your friend. (click to tweet)

30 Days to Less Guilt

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain

The flip side of perfectionism is guilt.

I have a quarter. On the front is a picture of George Washington, and on the back, a buffalo. I cannot keep my quarter if I throw out the buffalo just as I can't ditch ol' George and admire the big beast. To be cliche: they're two sides of the same coin.

So, too, are guilt and perfectionism.

Guilt is a product of the law. We feel guilty because we've done something wrong. The law tells us we've done a no-no. So when we strive with perfectionism, guilt is going to stick around. (click to tweet).

And how do most of us attack perfectionism?

1. trying harder
2. not trying at all
3. rebelling

Beyond that, we haven't got a clue. 

But there is help.

According to research, we develop neural pathways from habits of thinking. Our brains wire themselves to using these patterns when assessing a situation. Thus, if you're anxious, your first line of thought would be that everything will go wrong because you've trained your brain to think this way.

How about if you feel guilty? You enumerate over and over how overcome your guilt or how to make amends or...whatever your go-to whipping post is.

Same, too, with perfectionism--which by the way has no positive synonym. For me, I try harder, but then I see my failure, so I work harder. When everything falls apart, I quit. 

And I know how to rebel.

But mostly, I work harder.

However, I've, too a large degree, overcome this striving for perfection after reading a Washington Post article on transforming neural pathways.

30 Days to Less Guilt (click to tweet)

1. Every night use a journal and list three good things about yourself. Maybe a friend said your hair looked good. Write it down. Don't argue with her. Don't give excuses about why she said it. Just believe it. Do you make a good cup of coffee? Write it down. Are you helpful? Did you compliment someone? Exercise? Write down. 
2. Every morning review your good things. Do not question them. Do not compare yourself. Yes, few of us are the best in the world, but all of us have good attributes: physical, mental, emotional, artistic, practical. We've got them.
3. Do this for thirty days. It takes about three weeks to create a habit. For some, it's less, for some more. During this exercise, you'll find yourself asking, "What am I doing well?" or "What will I write tonight?" In that process, you'll be transforming your mind.

Transformation is an active state, not a static. We never arrive, but we must work on it.

Believe me, if it worked for me, it can work for you.

Do you struggle with being a perfectionist? What are your pitfalls?

Have you overcome? Can you share them, so others can transform and renew their minds.