"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart" Eccl. 4:9-12.
By: Carol McClain @carol_mcclain
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| Woe to woman when she is alone. |
When I was a little girl in school, I'd never raise my and ask a question. Fear of looking stupid made me puzzle out facts until I understood. As a result, I struggled in areas, especially math, that could've been much easier had pride not gotten in the way.
My husband is this way as well since he is the quintessential perfectionist. If I suggest getting help with a project, he assures me he's fine and can do it on his own. Unless it's on YouTube, he'll puzzle it out--or not finish the chore.
As an adult, this bad habit still lingers in my life. Times, as a single mother, I'd be laid up with the flu or rib-breaking bronchitis (not an exaggeration), and I'd ask no one to help with a meal or to take me to the doctor.
As a result, bitterness set in. I belonged to a church that preached community, but no one reached out to me. They should've known, I'd moan. Other people who acted helpless on a regular basis were helped, but me? I'd lay on my couch, unable to move and still have to tend my daughter.
I was wrong--not mistaken, not self-sufficient. I was proud, and it was sin. Who was supposed to guess I wanted help? Last I asked God, none of us are mind readers.
Perfectionists don't like to ask for help. It shows they're human and flawed. Shows they can't do it alone.
Worse, it tells God we need no one but ourselves.
The Lord designed us to need others. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12, a scripture I'd used to club those who didn't intuit my needs, convicts me. I cannot live my life alone. And neither can you.
Ask for help. You were not created to do it alone.
Three steps in overcoming perfectionism
- Strive for excellence--not perfection. Work all you do as unto the Lord. Do a good job, enjoy your labor. It doesn't have to be perfect. That's God's domain.
- Let it go. You can't do it all, nor are you designed to do so. Labor at what you love. Serve where you are able, but you're not required to do everything. Then let the rest go.
- Ask for help. Man was not meant to live alone. Adam struggled without Eve. God knew this--thus he made a helper for him. This isn't a license to nag the world to be your slave--but people love to feel needed and are more than happy to help their friends and neighbors.
As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell attest, these steps are hard, but you can do them.
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