House Cleaning and Sin: How We Justify Our Self-Hatred

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16

By Carol McClain: @carol_mcclain

We invited friends over to the house at the last minute. I looked over my home and knew I only had time for what I called "lies and deceptions." I had to clean, but a real cleaning wouldn't happen. The fake one would have to do.

I ran a dust rag over the furniture. Vacuumed fast. Shoved dirty pans in the oven. Closed the door to my study. I was set.

Of course, my house wasn't clean, but my image was.

If my friends opened the closed door, if they checked the oven or looked in a cabinet, they'd find how truly awful I was.

Sort of like sin in our lives.

We confess to God but hide our weakness from our peers. If they really knew our neurosis--like sitting up all night knowing the little lump on our calf was not from hitting the end table, but a ravenous cancer--they'd think us mentally deranged, lacking faith. Maybe we're hiding our disinterest in worship or of Bible study in fear they'd think we're not spiritual. Perhaps our bursts of anger would make them question our character.

Hiding sin from trusted peers enslaves us to our image. It justifies our self-hatred or depression or loathing of others as we project our sin onto them.

Repentance must be two-directional:

1. We must confess to God, first and foremost. Implied in this is the fact we've acknowledged the sin to ourselves. 1 John 1:9 says if we confess our sins, He will forgive us. Therefore, we know we are clean. Still, guilt cloys. We need to get rid of its stench.
2. We must confess to others. This doesn't mean we tell any old person even if that person is a devout believer. I made the mistake of confessing a boredom with my Bible reading to a Bible study group. Within days, I received a nasty letter from one member questioning my salvation. It did nothing for my self-esteem. However, we all have, or should work to have, a trusted friend or spouse or family member with whom we can confide. We should belong to a church with a loving pastor.
1. They can give us insight to the reason for our guilt.
2. Their continued love reassures us we're treasured just as we are.
3. We discover our perfect compatriots are as sullied as us.

Confession is good for the soul. (click to tweet)

Repentance must be two-directional. (click to tweet)

Hiding sin justifies our self-hatred. (click to tweet)

Confess Your Sins: The Benefits of Confession--James 5:16-17

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:16-17 The Message.

Confession? 
"No," you say. "That went out with the 20th century."
"No," you declare. "That's only for Catholics."

"No." (And with this third iteration of no, we sound like we're talking in toddler-speak.) "I'd be ashamed for people to know what I've done wrong."

And I say, no to all the above.

Confession is an integral part of the Christian experience, and essential for complete spiritual healing. 

Just don't blab your life, or problems, or sins to just anyone.

I remember one time in a small group, we were talking about difficulties we had in our Christian walk. I mentioned that the Bible had become boring to me. After years of fervently devouring the Word, over the last few years, I couldn't get into it.

A week later I received a letter from two women who attended this supposed "safe" group. They impugned my salvation because anyone who found the Bible dull could not be a Christian (I don't think they ever read Chronicles). They derided my confession, and their accusations spiraled me into an anger that made me want to leave the church I loved. 

I didn't leave--praise God.

The lesson I learned is to choose when to confess. Verse 17 of James proclaims that the prayer of a person living right is powerful. Of the two women, one came to me and repented. The other demonstrated she did not live according to the precepts of the gospel...not that she wasn't saved, just ignorant and immature.

Today I'm involved with CR (Celebrate Recovery), a group like AA that helps those struggling with addiction. In order to work with the group, I have to take part in a "Step Study." Here, we work through the twelve steps to recovery just as all addicts do.

As the steps are worked, each member must confess the areas of her life that God is working on. We know that the group is a "safe place." What's said in the group, stays in the group. Each member is treated with respect and without judgment.

The end effect is powerful. No longer are our sins hidden to be used by the enemy to torment us. With our foibles exposed, they heal.

And almost better, the bond between each of us has deepened to a respect and love that transcends our disparate lives.

Confession is, as the cliche goes, good for the soul. In order for it to be so, be sure:

1. It's to a righteous person
2. Be sure that person is not judgmental (and believe me, you can tell quickly by conversation whether the person judges)
3. It's understood everything we say is confidential
4. If not to a church leader, be sure it's reciprocal

5. Be certain of those who lead your church. Not all who say, "Lord, Lord" (Mt. 7:21) have the precepts down right.

Our group has become a beautiful tapestry--three lives woven together by the Master Creator. The end product is more beautiful and stronger than any of our lives alone.How has confession helped (or hindered) your walk?

Next week we leave James and explore how God loves us.