Kill the Gossip: New Year's ReSOULutions, Part 2

6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. James 3: 6-8

There's a reason my closest friend Renee and I are tight: we're both passionate with an overlay of sarcasm. I love sarcastic people who don't send barbed-tongued comments to wound others. That's me. 

And Renee.

Yesterday, I was happy I had conquered my tendency to gossip (at least in that moment). I sat in Sunday school and our teacher, who also happens to be Renee's husband, mentioned how his pile of research covered the kitchen table.

I blurted, "I'm sure Renee gave you your comeuppance at that."

I cringed. It sounded harsher than I intended. And a good thing. I scanned the room. She often doesn't come to class, but this day she did. And she didn't bat an eye. I probably beat her to the punch at the joke.

And better yet, it was something I would say to her face.

Good thing because I did say it to her face.

At one time in my life, I thought I had a sure-fired way of stopping my gossiping: I forced myself to forget what was told to me. If I didn't remember, I didn't spread it.

Bad idea. I developed an attitude of inattention, and I no longer recalled important details people asked me to pray about. I never re-connected with my friends to offer help.

So when attempting to bridle your tongue--listen to the personal details friends share about their own lives. Pray with them both at that moment and in your private times. Just don't spread the juicy tidbits. Remember, they're only juicy to you.

How to stop gossiping?

1. Take a moment and ask yourself if you would make this comment to the person who is targeted by the gossip. If you'd die if your comments were heard, you better bite your tongue.
2. Change the subject. People don't want to be perceived as someone evil. Gossipers are often fueled by their own insecurities. If you change the subject, most times the chatterer gets the hint her subject is unwelcomed. She knows it paints her in a poor light in your eyes.
3. Say something positive about the subject. The speaker will get the hint. Without fuel, the fire goes out (Pr. 26:20).
4. Try to find a solution. Sometimes gossip arises out of a genuine concern. Instead of maligning the subject, find a solution to the problem.
5. Pray. James 3:6 says the motivator of evil-speaking is the devil himself. He certainly doesn't want anyone praying about the situation. If you pray, he will desist. Ask the person who shared the news with you if you could agree in prayer right then. In your own devotional time, pray.
6. Remember the golden rule. Do you want your bad news or your foibles shared? If not, then why would this person. Also, remember the friend who is currently "confiding" about another's problems will probably share your information. Be careful what you say to her. If she is a chronic gossip, find a time to address her about her problem. If she does not hear you, then you may need to avoid contact.

Are there other things that have worked for you?

New Year's ReSOULutions: Bridle That Tongue

English: New Year's Day postcard. Reads: "A New Year's Resolution / Jan. 1st / To Gossip, Slang and Cuss words / I'll bid a last "Adieu" / And place a bridle on my tongue / And thoughtless actions, too!" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. James 3: 6-8

Have you ever heard a juicy, fun bit of news you couldn't wait to spread? You got the info from good sources (say, you best friend Barb Dewitt, or Uncle Kurt Teller, or the National Enquirer). You told everyone and then discovered the reliable source Uncle Kurt or Barb used probably got his info from Buzzfeed.

One day, while teaching, a student raised her hand. "Are you pregnant, Mrs. McClain?"

My mouth dropped. I was definitely nearing retirement, not maternity leave. Furthermore, by teen standards, I had to be post-post-post menopausal. 

Where'd the info come from? 

Not too long prior, I had had a ob-gyn appointment that happened to follow the appointment of one of my pregnant teens. IF she was there about a baby, then I was, too.

Sheesh. Time for a diet.

gossip is a barb--not love

That bit of blowback is funny. However, not all is harmless. 

Our church is currently having a power struggle over the over-use of an overly loud organ and dirge-styled hymns combating the heretical contemporary ballads.

Bitter gossip reigns, and people, believing lies about a dedicated pastor, good people trusting friends who are miffed or hurt by changes, have left the body. 

One day my husband, a retired minister, came home and said the pastor gave the organist a letter asking for her resignation. Everything had been done   to correct the problems according to biblical dictates, and, to me, this sounded like the next, correct step.

Turned out, the man Neil trusted had erroneous information. The church called a meeting to address all the rumors, and the truth came to light. No one had been asked to resign. Yet, as I listened to our open and honest pastor explain the situation, I questions his honesty because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the ethics of my husband.

Wasp sting, with a droplet of venom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
similar to the poisonous sting of gossip

Gossip is a hellish master as James 3:6 implies.

I'm sure you can think of times when the evil sting of the tongue has lashed your life or that of someone you love.

If so, what about your own gossip? Maybe it's time for a New Year's reSoulution.
Bridle the tongue.

How? Not so easy, but doable. Tune in next week for some ideas.

In the meantime, how has gossip caused problems in your own life?